you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
