maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
