She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
