i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
