dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
