do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
