Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
