doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
