I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
