i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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