he shaved USA in his pubs
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
