i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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