Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
