This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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