im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
