3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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