Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm always down for nudity.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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