WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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