just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
