I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
