I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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