arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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