She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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