sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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