you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
