then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
