mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize