Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
