i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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