He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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