So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
