i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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