Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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