somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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