Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
