Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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