it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
