Please, let me fuck your mom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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