The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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