2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
