We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
