No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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