I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
