singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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