I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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