I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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