got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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