State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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