I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
