would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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