I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
