I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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