I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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