Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Houston, we have a squirter
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
