Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
