I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
