I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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