Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
