a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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