Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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