New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there's paper in my vomit.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
