I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
