I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
