dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
