My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
