OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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