My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
