im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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