direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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