I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
