The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
