you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
