Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
