It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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