i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
