i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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