Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
