I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
