I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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