Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
