Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
